


God does not play dice

by lesbianjanecrocker (fumiko6)



Series: Fragments and Passages [4]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Dreams, Earth C (Homestuck), F/F, Not Canon Compliant - The Homestuck Epilogues, Not Epilogue Compliant, Post-Canon, Sadstuck, Science, Social Anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:48:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22222057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fumiko6/pseuds/lesbianjanecrocker
Summary: Jade attempts to reenter society, with varying results. Fortunately Aradia is there. This is a mostly standalone sequel toTo the End of the Universe.
Relationships: Jade Harley & Rose Lalonde, Jade Harley/Aradia Megido
Series: Fragments and Passages [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1565194
Comments: 9
Kudos: 17





	God does not play dice

It is your first lucid dream of Prospit.

Your body is the old you, before your so-called ascension to Godhood, when the only artificial enhancements to your physiology came from the pharmacological substances you had synthesized.

You are in space, with the yellow moon in the distance, orbiting a giant blue sphere with puffs of white clouds. The moon draws you nearer. Your motion does not come from your volition, but some extrinsic force that you cannot resist. Soon you are close enough to see towers and buildings, jutting forth like jagged spikes.

The moon shatters.

There is no sound, no flash, but there is a shockwave. Flakes of gold wash over you like wind-blown sand. The splintered tip of a spire approaches. It is too large. It is too fast. You cannot move away.

You scream.

But you cannot. You are in space, and you are mortal. The vacuum suffocates you, as Prospit turns to dust.

* * *

TT: It should be obvious that the universe is almost certainly a simulation.  
TT: You must have arrived at the same conclusion. The only people who have not are the willfully ignorant.  
TT: My question is tangentially related. I believe that you have knowledge that would help our fledgling post-scientific community understand the mysteries of our paradoxical universe. Excuse the turn of phrase.  
TT: Here is how it started. My powers still allow me to see fragments of your trajectory, more in a metaphorical than a physical sense, but in this case they are approximately equivalent.  
TT: With said powers I was able to see that you moved beyond what I have termed the Existential Sphere.  
TT: I would like to know, what was it like? How did it feel, subjectively, to travel to a location where the universe does not desire you to be?  
TT: How were you able to physically travel even as physicality unraveled?  
TT: Several of us have been attempting to explore the limits of our powers and how they relate to the nature of the universe. We would love to hear about your experiences here, as well as any more general explorations you have done in the past few years since we last conversed.  
TT: As always, you do not have to reply. But it would be beneficial to all of us if you did.  
TT: These messages always feel as if I'm talking to myself.  
TT: Please talk to us, Jade.  


* * *

You wake up amidst the darkness of interstellar space. You are alone, but it is not a permanent kind of alone, not like before.

Physiologically speaking, you should not need to sleep. Your body is no longer human, if it ever was. Yet it is comforting, to let go of control on occasion.

Aradia has arrived. She was not here before, when you started to sleep, on another aimless voyage. She is using her powers to follow you, yet it is not unwanted. You have some kind of relationship with her, but you do not know what that relationship is. Maybe it's better that way.

She watches you as you read the message flashing on your goggles.

ARADIA: why dont you talk to rose  
JADE: how do you know who im not talking to? :/  
ARADIA: you told me before in a different timeline  
ARADIA: do you want me to rewind this timeline too  
JADE: no!  
ARADIA: youve said yes most times at this point  
JADE: um, why do you care anyway? why do you want me to talk to her?  
ARADIA: how many years has it been  
ARADIA: maybe its finally time :D  


She takes your hand, guiding you back towards Earth C at 200c. You do not resist.

JADE: why do you interact with me?  
ARADIA: why would i not  
JADE: because you have other friends? and loved ones i guess too... where's sollux?  
ARADIA: i think you misunderstand our relationship  
ARADIA: me and sollux I mean  
ARADIA: were not in any quadrants  
ARADIA: anyway I really enjoy interacting with you! I really do!!!  


There is much more you would like to say, but you cannot put it into words. Thus, the journey to Earth C continues in silence.

* * *

TT: Here is a reminder that you have a standing invitation to attend our little clique's scientific meetings. You may find us at 47.6084, -131.3332 at 3PM on the first Saturday of each month.  
TT: This is most likely futile, but, I hope to see you there.  
  
[10 hours later]  
  
GG: ill come to your gathering  
GG: eventually  
GG: give me some time to prepare  
  
[GG has stopped pestering TT.]  
  
TT: Holy shit you're alive.  


* * *

You are trapped within your body.

There are no senses, no movement, only the constant perception that something is wrong, something is horribly wrong but you cannot understand why. There is a pressure, a weight on top of you. You cannot move, cannot even breathe.

Your eyes open. You see your corpse. You scream.

* * *

You wake up in your asteroid base in the Kuiper Belt. It is a room of gray metal with splotches of green paint on the walls, floors and tables littered with the detritus of abandoned projects

It is your first time waking up in a bed since...

You have never had a firm grasp on the passage of time.

ARADIA: two earth weeks  
ARADIA: you were in space for two weeks  


Why is she here? How did she get in? You do not recall ever letting her inside this facility.

ARADIA: you gave me the passcode a few tries ago  
JADE: honestly, why do you keep on doing this?  
ARADIA: doing what  
JADE: that thing where you pretend to read my mind but really just remember things from other timelines  
JADE: and also that thing where you show up unannounced right at the most important times  
ARADIA: is it not enough to feel genuine concern for your wellbeing  
JADE: why though? I still dont understand why you have this supposed concern  
ARADIA: ...  
JADE: ...  
ARADIA: :D  
JADE: >:(  
ARADIA: anyway you should get up right now  
JADE: right........  


Somehow you are still wearing your God Tier robes. Did you wear them going to bed? Do you remember going to bed?

ARADIA: it doesnt matter what happened before  
ARADIA: what matters is whats happening right now  
ARADIA: and right now you look kind of gross honestly o_o  
JADE: normally i would disagree but maybe youre right  
JADE: but only this one time  


What do ordinary humans do at this point in their circadian cycles? Brush their teeth? Take a shower? Whatever. It's not as if you are physically capable of experiencing dirtiness. Or are you? You don't exactly have a well-calibrated sense of hygiene. Better safe than sorry.

JADE: anyway im heading down to earth soon i guess  
ARADIA: i knew you would  
ARADIA: good luck  


With that, she vanishes. Probably teleportation, or the equivalent time trickery.

JADE: well i guess theres nothing else to do but go to earth  
JADE: after taking a shower  


* * *

  
The gathering space is within a downtown cafe in some city by the coast, on the ground floor of a skyscraper. It is only then that you realize that you have never physically been inside a major city. Not that it matters. You approached as stealthily as you were capable of, wearing street clothes and teleporting to an empty alleyway. No one notices you, thankfully.

You were not sure that you would recognize her. But somehow she is the same, in some indescribable way. Same face, same eyes.

ROSE: Congratulations on your reentry into society.  
JADE: i thought there would be more people here...  
ROSE: Normally, but I worried they would frighten you.  
ROSE: Anyway, now is the time for you to regale me with the collected stories of your past decade.  
ROSE: Surely you must have had plenty of interesting experiences ever since we last interacted.  
JADE: i thought we were going to talk about research? like, how the universe is a simulation and all that, and the bubble or whatever you call it  
ROSE: Okay, if that happens to be easier to discuss.  
ROSE: So what was that like?  
JADE: it wasnt like anything  
JADE: just blank i guess  
JADE: just thoughts, no physical sensations or anything like that  
ROSE: Is that it? No more details?  
JADE: i think so  
JADE: i was with aradia so maybe you should ask her  
ROSE: Interesting. But I would like to hear more from you first. Do you remember any measurements, any physical properties that you experienced during the journey?  
JADE: well...  


* * *

  
The appearance is that nothing has changed. You talk about your experiences and powers, without divulging your more eccentric experiments. Rose talks more. Your conversation does not go anywhere important, which is exactly where you want it.

ROSE: Would you like to come to my residence?  
ROSE: It appears that I am more amenable to urban living than I previously expected; Kanaya and I have an apartment nearby.  
ROSE: You are welcome to come by for a visit right now, if you'd like.  
JADE: ...  
ROSE: So what do you say?  
JADE: um  
ROSE: Are you okay?  
JADE: no  


* * *

You see the world beneath your feet. Patches of blue and green and white, slowly rotating into darkness illuminated by pinpricks of yellow light. You feel the forces of the universe acting upon you, only acting as you allow them to, carrying you into a retrograde orbit around the planet. You are a god, with absolute power over all that you can see.

And yet you do not know how to respond to a kind remark from your best friend.

ARADIA: do you want me to reset the timeline  
JADE: fuck off!!!  
ARADIA: rude  
JADE: how did you even get here?  
ARADIA: i was already here  
ARADIA: as one might say  
JADE: nooooo!!! stop it!!!  
ARADIA: stop what  
JADE: i dont know  
JADE: just  
JADE: i dont know  
JADE: i wish i didnt ruin everything again  
ARADIA: you can try again if youd like  
ARADIA: but youll forget everything of course  
JADE: no!!! that is literally the opposite of what i want  
ARADIA: then what do you want  
JADE: ...  
ARADIA: ...  
JADE: do you expect me to answer?  
ARADIA: i havent heard your answer yet in any timeline  
JADE: ...  
JADE: i want to go home  
JADE: wherever home is i guess  
ARADIA: that isnt an answer  
JADE: forget it then  
JADE: im tired  
ARADIA: may i join you  
JADE: i dont know  


* * *

  
You awake in a golden room, on a soft bed of feathers, basking in the diffuse glow of light from a curtained window. As your eyes adjust to the light, you glance around. A dresser, a desk, a chair, all out of the same golden material as the walls, yet somehow feeling soft, without harshness. There is no door. 

It's a while before you get up. It's too comfortable here.

When you glance outside the window there is nothing, not the spires of Prospit or even the ship, not even the color black, just the same emptiness you get when you close your eyes. It is like the end of the universe, yet you still exist here, ensconced in a bubble of physical existence inaccessible to all but you.

But, there is no problem with that.

You have all you need in here. You have no need to exit. Why would you leave when all that has brought you is pain?

"This is all wrong."

You hear the harsh strains of Rose's voice. She materializes in front of you, wearing the purple dress of Derse, appearing younger than before, for some reason.

"How did you get here?", you ask.

"I astral projected into your dream space, silly. It's not so difficult if you're practiced."

"Oh."

She walks closer. "Do you really want to stay here forever?"

"Why not?", you reply. "What's wrong with staying here?"

She shakes her head. "Can you really do it? Spend all your days outside the universe?"

It is only then that you realize how lonely you are. Rose smiles, and disappears.

A door appears. You pull it open. You fall through.

There is nothing to halt your fall at the end.

You scream.

* * *

  
You are awake, in your approximately real home this time, the Kuiper Belt asteroid you have made your primary residence for the past ten years. 

You see a message on your goggles, listed as from five days ago.

TT: Sorry about what happened today.  
TT: I shouldn't have imposed myself upon you in such a crude fashion.  
TT: Anyway I am always free to talk on this channel, about whatever you would like.  
TT: I hope you reply soon, but don't force yourself.  


You close your eyes and fall back on your bed. The farce of your past encounter reenters your memory. You try to tell yourself that it's going to be okay, that things will turn out alright in the end. It doesn't work.

It is an indeterminate amount of time before you manage to get up, after what could have been hours of laying in bed, trying and failing to clear your thoughts. As you've somewhat come to expect, Aradia is there as you leave the room.

ARADIA: whats up  
JADE: why are you spending so much time here?  
ARADIA: i was looking forward to going on another expedition sometime  
JADE: i dont feel like it  
JADE: besides ive seen it all already  
ARADIA: o_o  
JADE: why are you making that face  
ARADIA: things do not have to be this way you know  
ARADIA: forgive me if this is crass but living is better than the alternative  
JADE: what does that have to do with anything?  


Suddenly you feel a lurch. The station around you disappears, revealing a field of stars. You feel the planets revolve in retrograde, speeding up, asteroids emerging from their impact craters, planets becoming dust and rock, and finally the sun dissipating back into the nebula from which it was formed. In the entire electromagnetic spectrum, you observe worlds becoming new again.

JADE: what are you doing???  
ARADIA: space and time turn out to be deeply intertwined in this physics of this universe  
JADE: i know but...   


The simulation speeds up. You feel the universe become smaller, stars disspating into clouds of gas, helium becoming hydrogen. And out of the primordial dust of the Big Bang, you see your face, gigantic, looming down upon the nucleus of a new reality.

Time stops, except for a bubble surrounding you and her. 

JADE: why? whats the point of this?  
ARADIA: doesnt everything else feel so small  
ARADIA: everything just feels like nothing once you see so much  
ARADIA: all the people and things and problems that we deal with  
ARADIA: and even us  
ARADIA: were all just so insignificant compared to the rest of the universe  
ARADIA: but to be able to see it all  
ARADIA: to be able to be a part of it all even if just a little bit  
ARADIA: isnt it all so magnificent  
JADE: okay but i still have depression...  
ARADIA: so do i!!!  
ARADIA: so do so many of us!!!  
ARADIA: but now were free to control our own lives  
ARADIA: almost as if were gods  
ARADIA: and we can take as long as we need  
ARADIA: and remember as you said  
ARADIA: god does not play dice  
JADE: i have no idea what thats supposed to mean here but yeah  
JADE: (also einstein said that not me but maybe he never existed in this universe so in conclusion i dont know anything)  
ARADIA: close your eyes  


* * *

  
You close your eyes. When you open them five seconds later, you are back inside your asteroid base. For some reason, you feel different. With your space powers you would never have been able to return to the moment of the Big Bang; you make a mental note that her powers are quite useful.

You see a message (how long has it been?).

TT: This is a reminder that we're still having meetups for our scientific clique.  
TT: If you feel uncomfortable with me alone or with people who have become relative strangers, feel free to bring Aradia along.  
TT: I have heard that you have become fast friends; I'm sure we would all love to speak with her.  


You glance towards Aradia.

ARADIA: well  
ARADIA: we can all have a big gathering all together :D  


Then you finally reply.

GG: okay, lets try this again :)  



End file.
